Title: Unrequited
Part 5
Author: Lizzie
Rating: R
Content: Not a lot besides some very light m/m and a whole bunch of total silliness.
Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me. They belong to WWF and Titan Sports. No copyright infringement intended.
__________________
Sometime during the night Jeff must have stopped crying. Jay wasn't
entirely sure when, but somewhere along the lines he must have
because he'd managed to choke out all the gory details of what had
happened. Before he'd been so completely inconsolable that he hadn't
been able to speak at all.
And sometime during the night Jeff must've fallen asleep. Because Jay
found himself lying on the bed with Jeff in his arms, his tearstained
face resting softly on his chest. But peaceful as he seemed right
then, he was agony to look at. Because Jay knew what he was going
through, and he had no idea if Jeff was strong enough to get through
it. It almost seemed impossible. Especially knowing just how much
Matt meant to him.
Matt didn't show up the next day. Jay had to almost physically
restrain Jeff from wandering off on a mad, desperate search, then had
to try to console him somehow after he'd persuaded him out of it. He
was a wreck. A total and utter wreck. He kept breaking down into
muted sobs at the slightest little thing, like a sad song on the
radio or finding one of Matt's shirts in his bag.
He didn't get better. Jay really was hoping he'd be feeling better
about it all by the end of the day, but there was nothing to feel
better about so he guessed deep down he understood. After all, he
still wasn't exactly feeling all that great about Adam. But at least
he had something else to focus on now. He could repay Jeff for
helping him out by helping him out in return. He needed something to
stop him from feeling like he'd just had his whole world torn to
shreds right in front of his eyes, like he'd just stood by and
watched himself destroy everything he treasured and there wasn't a
thing he could do about it. Far be it for him to take comfort in
Jeff's misery, but it sure was seeming that way. It almost made him
feel guilty.
And it didn't get better as the days went by. They left New York, hit
Pennsylvania, and Jeff was still solo both in and out of the ring.
But by then he was deliberately avoiding Matt. Jay guessed he just
didn't want to hear whatever Matt might have to say, and Vince had
cooled off somewhat about the rumours as far as he could tell from
what Jeff told him about the meeting they'd had mid-week. But he
didn't want them teaming together. He just liked the idea that the
rumours might not be true, even if Jeff's performance seemed to be a
little off, if Matt seemed kinda depressed and the fans were
substantially less than impressed with the split.
Apparently Vince had mentioned to Jeff that one of the reasons he was
having second thoughts about the rumours was Jay. He'd heard they
were rooming together, and he'd seen that Matt and Amy had been
spending a lot more time together. Jeff had had to bite his lip to
keep from crying right then, stung by the fact his brother was
spending more and more time with Amy and he couldn't see him at all.
Jay understood. He'd seen Adam around. And with who, of all people,
but Billy fucking Kidman.
In fact, in the end Jay and Jeff were as bad as each other. They were
both suffering under circumstances they'd brought on themselves, even
if Jay had managed to do more to himself than Jeff had. They couldn't
cheer each other up in the slightest. People thinking they were
together got to them both because they knew it just wasn't true and
they had a vague horror of certain people believing the rumours. So
mostly they just kept themselves to themselves and helped each other
to get through each new and infinitely more depressing day.
***
The locker room Jay and Jeff were sharing was deafeningly silent as
usual, just the way they liked it. Although of course 'liked' was far
too stong a word for it - they preferred it that way rather than the
feeling stretching to actual like or dislike. Neither one seemed to
be in the mood for idle chatter, which over the past week had seemed
to be quite a rarity between them anyway. It didn't seem to matter.
They were only together for the company, not for the dazzling
conversation.
Except then the silence was interrupted by the opening of a door. And
in walked Matt.
"Jeff, I think we have to talk. Jay... would you mind?"
Jay glanced at Jeff who'd managed to turn a deathly pale in a matter
of seconds, then shrugged and left the room.
Adam was standing outside.
"Uh, hey... uh, Jay", he muttered, not quite meeting his eyes.
"Hey", Jay said flatly.
"I haven't... uh, seen you around lately".
"Probably because you've been spending so much time with... other
people".
"Yeah, I guess".
And there the conversation ended. Jay leant back against the wall of
the corridor and Adam did the same almost opposite him, fiddling with
the tape on his wrists the way Jay always seemed to when he was
nervous. And he was standing there, trying not to look at Adam when
his whole heart and his whole body was screaming at him to just force
out a few more words, to try to strike up a conversation, or to close
the few steps between them and kiss him senseless, struggling with
the strange numb feeling that was creeping over him at the same time.
He didn't know what it was but he didn't like it. Maybe it meant he
was getting over him. But more likely he thought he was just getting
bitter. Until he couldn't stand it anymore.
"Look, Adam..."
"Yeah?" He looked up with a half-expectant look on his face, a kind
of wide-eyed and strangely vulnerable expression that Jay had never
seen on him before. It worried him.
"I'm going back to the hotel. Tell Jeff I'll meet him there".
The look disappeared from Adam's face. "Oh, okay". Now his voice
sounded almost as flat as Jay's.
And Jay pushed himself from the wall, turned on his heel and strode
out of the building, away from Adam, as fast as he could without
breaking into a run.
***
"He's leaving me".
Jay was still shaken from running into Adam. It took a few seconds
for the words to register, and a few more for him to take in the
expression on Jeff's face. Or the complete lack thereof.
"He's leaving you?"
"He's leaving me. He says it's for the best".
He closed the door and walked across the room, sitting down slowly on
the edge of the bed, smoothing out his jeans over his thighs. Jay
frowned slightly.
"Maybe he's right".
"He's not".
"You're sure about that?"
Jeff nodded solemnly, blue hair falling across his cheek, not
bothering to sweep it back. Jay reached over and did it for him.
"Yes, I'm sure".
"Did he say why?"
"Because... because it's for the best. Because he doesn't want me to
get hurt".
"Don't you think that's a fair point?"
"No".
"You do know you'd get hurt, right? There's no way you two could be
together without everyone finding out now".
"Yes, Jay, I know".
"And you still don't think it's a fair point?"
"No, Jay, I don't".
"Despite the fact what you have with Matt is, well... not exactly an
ideal relationship in the eyes of just about every person living?"
"That's assuming I care what people think".
"It'd be naive not to, Jeff".
"Fuck naive. I don't care". He turned slightly, finally meeting his
eyes. "Because you know what? I'm in love with my brother. The whole
damn world may see something wrong with that, but I don't, okay? To
me this is right. It's meant to be, Jay, it's fucking destiny. No
matter what happens, we're meant to be together. I don't care what
happens just as long as I'm with him. But he, well, let's say he
doesn't quite see it that way".
"Jeff, he's trying to protect you".
"Jay, I'm not a little kid anymore. I don't need protecting".
"I think maybe we all need protecting sometimes".
Jeff sighed and dropped his head into his hands.
"That's just the problem", he muttered through his fingers. "I know
he's right but I know he can't be. I just want to be with him, Jay.
That's all I want. It's all I've ever wanted. And now he's telling me
we can't have that. He's telling me we can't be together anymore. And
it hurts. Oh God, Jay, it hurts so bad. I don't think I can do this".
Jay wrapped his arms around Jeff's waist and shoulders, pulled him
forward against his chest, stroked his hair and bit down on his lip.
And he lied.
"You can do this, Jeff. I know you can".
Jeff pulled back slightly, looked up into Jay's eyes, his own full of
unshed tears.
"Maybe that's true", he said. "But I'm not sure I'd want to".
***
"Jeff, why did Matt think I'd told Vince about you?"
They were lying on the bed they were sharing, side by side. But the
bed was an illusion, meant to keep up the pretense that they were
together. They didn't want people to think that but at the same time
they needed them to. There was just no way to win.
"He never told me", Jeff replied, crossing his legs and staring up
and the ceiling, arms spread out above his head, plucking absently at
the headboard. "Why?"
"And VInce didn't give you any clue about who told him?"
"Nope, not at all". He tilted his head and looked over at Jay who was
dragging himself up to sit back against the headboard. "Why?"
"I was just thinking, tha's all. No reason. Look, I'm going out for a
while. I won't be long. You gonna be okay?"
"Sure", Jeff said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously but obviously
resisting the urge to ask Jay where he was going and why. "Don't
worry, I'm not gonna slit my wrists while you're gone".
"That's reassuring".
Jay opened the door and slipped out of the room.
***
He'd only knocked maybe three times and the door opened before his
knuckles could strike for a fourth time. A head and a shoulder
appeared in the crack.
"Matt's not here. I think he went to the bar with Adam and Billy.
Want me to tell him you stopped by?"
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you".
Amy frowned. "Okay... well, c'mon in then". She opened the door and
motioned for Jay to step inside. "What can I do for you? I would've
thought you'd wanna speak to Matt, not me".
"I don't think Matt's got a whole lot to say to me", Jay told her,
and she nodded. "I just wanted to ask why you think he thinks I told
Vince".
Amy shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine on that one", she said,
sounding genuinely confused. "He won't tell me why. I assumed it was
something Vince said. Have you talked to Jeff about it?"
"Yeah. He says Vince didn't say anything about me. Look, Amy, do you
think I told him?"
"No. No, Jay, I don't. Of course I don't. I don't think you could do
that to them. Not that I can think of anyone who would, but you see
what I mean".
Jay nodded. "Yeah, I do. I'm sorry I bothered you, okay? Don't tell
Matt I was here, he'll just freak".
"You're probably right. Jay, I'm sorry all this happened. Not just
this stuff with Matt and Jeff, but... Matt told me Jeff told him
about you and Adam. That's gotta suck. I'm really, really sorry. If
it helps, I know exactly how you feel".
"Yeah, I know", he said with a small, wry smile. Because he knew Amy
did know. After all, she had Matt. Matt was to her what Adam was to
him, it was there for everyone to see.
"I'm sorry I couldn't help".
"Thanks anyway".
***
Jay couldn't honestly say he knew who else to talk to, short of going
to Vince or talking to Matt. So he just bit back the urge to do
either and headed back to the room. Except he didn't quite make it
that far.
"Oh, Jay, I'm, uh, I'm sorry. Didn't see you there".
"Yeah, obviously. It's okay". Was it his imagination or was Adam
blushing? And fiddling with his sleeves, and not meeting his gaze.
That didn't seem right somehow.
"I, uh, yeah, I'm sorry. I should look where I'm, uh, going, I
guess".
"Yeah. Look, Adam, is something wrong? I mean, something other than
the obvious?"
Adam's eyes flickered up and met Jay's for a second, then dropped
again. It seemed like he was studying the carpet rather thoroughly.
"No. No, I'm, I'm good. Great, actually. How are you?"
"Hunky-fucking-dory, Adam. Do you know why Matt thinks I told Vince
about him and Jeff by any chance because I haven't got a clue".
Adam just stared at him. For maybe fifteen seconds he just stood
there in the corridor and stared at him, completely unmoving, not
even blinking. Then he shook his head, woodenly.
"No, sorry, I don't know".
Jay frowned at him, studying his face, trying to make out what was
going on but getting absolutely nowhere. IN the end he just gave up,
exasperated. "Okay then, thanks anyway", he said and left Adam
standing alone. He sneaked a peek back over his shoulder as he got to
his door, and Adam was staring after him.