Title: Unrequited
Part 2
Author: Lizzie
Rating: R
Content: Not a lot besides some very light m/m and a whole bunch of total silliness.
Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me. They belong to WWF and Titan Sports. No copyright infringement intended.
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He wasn't crying but there were definitely tears in his eyes. He
couldn't believe it. Everything had ust beenso perfect it almost
didn't seem real. But it was. It was all so, so real.
He'd slept with Adam. Adam. He'd slept with Adam. Slept with, and not
in the shared a bed sense that that usually meant. They'd slept
together. Or more accurately, Adam had finally slept with him. He'd
never believed it could happen and he almost couldn't believe it
then, either. Except all he had to do was open his eyes to see how
real it was. It was almost overwhelming. Because there he was lying
in bed with the man he loved.
And he did love him. He couldn't remember ever loving anyone more.
Not just that - he adored him. Completely. He worried half to death
when Adam got injured. He felt all warm inside when Adam talked to
him. His blood ran cold in envy whenever Adam spent time with anyone
else. Yep, he was in love. So deep he mostly couldn't think straight,
so deep he couldn't ever imagine wanting anyone else. So deep he
didn't think there'd ever be anything he could do to stop it.
But then again, right now he didn't want to stop it. Because of what
had happened, because of what was happening. He could feel his breath
on his shoulder, the soft rise and fall of his chest, his hair fanned
out over his collarbone. He was lying there wrapped up in Adam's
arms. It was a dream come true, something he'd barely ever dreamed
could happen. And now it had he felt like he was going to cry because
of it.
Adam had made love to him. He'd wanted it to be the other way around
but somehow Jay had convinced him to change things around. He'd known
it would've hurt like hell and he didn't want Adam to remember their
first time together that way, even if he'd wanted it so much. Adan
had caved and then Jay was explaining what he had to do to get him
ready, all gestures and glances and gasped words against his throat
as his brain ceased to function with Adam's kisses, and when Adam
pushed deep inside of him with a surprised, choking moan, suddenly
all his doubts had vanished. Because it felt so good. As so right.
Their eyes locked as they came together, sweat-slicked bodies
pressing close, gasping, shaking. Adam's gaze had been so intense, so
serious, trained on Jay so intently as he lay under him, his hands
still gripping Adam's biceps, legs unfolding from around his waist.
For a second he looked like a whole different person leaning down
over him - a different person with his lover's gold hair hanging down
in long, sweat-dampened strands around his lover's face - and Jay
didn't know what to think. He wasn't sure he could think. But then
Adam smiled and dropped down beside him, nestling into the pillow and
pulling Jay's arms around him. Jay let him, felt arms twining around
his waist in response, and everything was okay again. They lay there
together and fell asleep warm in Jay's bed, the perfect end to what
was the most perfect evening of his life so far.
He still had Adam's tast in his mouth. He'd always imagined he'd be
addictive and he was far from wrong. He had to bite down on his lip
to keep from brushing back all that long, blonde hair and kissing him
senseless, except he knew that would ruin what they had now, and he
guessed there'd be plenty of time to taste him later. There'd always
be later. But right now they had this, lying together there, warm and
safe, wrapped up in each other's arms. He just pressed his lips
softly to Adam's forehead and let himself wonder at the way he felt.
He always wanted to feel that way, like he'd never felt before.
Happy. Complete.
***
"I... I, this, this can't be happening".
"What? Adam, what are you babbling about? What can't be happening?"
Jay looked up at him bleary-eyed and tired from the bed, watching him
stand beside the door, trembling. Really trembling. He was metres
away but he could still see.
"This! God, Jay, how could you do this? What the fuck did you think
you were doing?"
"What are you talking about?"
Jay's heart caught in his throat, hammering steadily, making his
blood run icy and all the colour drain from his face. He felt cold.
He knew it was dread. He had the dreadful feeling he knew what was
going on here, and he didn't like it one bit. This so couldn't be
good. And the panic was rising again, making him shiver and stare,
hot tears springing to his eyes. He knew what this was. Common sense
was telling him what was going on in Adam's head and was telling him
to get the hell out of there as fast as his legs would carry him. But
he couldn't move.
"How could you? I come in at 2am, drunk, and what happens? You took
advantage of me, Jay. How could you do that?"
"You weren't drunk". It was a feeble point but it was all he could
think to say. There was nothing else.
"You were there. We were drinking with Matt and Jeff for hours. Then
you came up here and we drank some more without you. I was drunk,
Jay. Drunk. Inebriated. I was fucking wasted. And you took advantage
of me!"
"You weren't drunk". But Jay knew he might as well be talking to
himself.
"Get out".
"You asked me to do it".
"Get out!"
"And if you'd had your way it would've been the other way around".
"Fuck you, Jay, fuck you. Get out. Just get out. Right now".
"You enjoyed it. You started it. I wanted to stop but you just kept
going and you knew how I felt about you and when you kissed me I just
couldn't help myself anymore... If anyone took advantage then it was
you".
"You made me do it. You know I'm not gay and you knew I was drunk and
you let me go through with it. Get out, Jay. I mean it. I can't deal
with you right now. Just get out and stay out of my way".
As his bag struck him in the chest, as he quickly pulled on his
jeans, as he walked out the door with as much dignity as he could
muster, all Jay could say was "I should've known".
***
"Jay, Jay, calm down. Just, c'mon in and sit down, okay, tell me
what's wrong. Matt, could you leave us alone for a second? I just...
yeah, look, here's your pants, just... thanks, Matty. I'm sorry. We
won't be long, okay? Look, sit down. Jay, it's okay. Really, it'll be
okay".
"How can it be? Jeff, I've screwed everything up. Again. I... last
night, when Adam came back upstairs, did he seem drunk to you?
Because I could've sworn he was sober. He hadn't drunk that much, had
he? I mean, he didn't act like it and I couldn't smell it or taste it
so he couldn't've been drunk, could he?"
"I don't think he was, no, but I'd had kinda too much myself so maybe
I... taste? You said taste, right? Jay, what happened?"
"When he came back to the room he asked me to fuck him. He said he
wanted to know what it felt like and it wouldn't change anything
between us".
"So did you?"
"No! Of course I didn't. I'm not that stupid, Jeff. But he... he
kissed me... and he wanted to know what it was like to, y'know, be
with a.. guy... and I guess one thing led to another and he ended
up... well... Oh God, Jeff, I've fucked up. I should've known. I
should've stopped him. How could I be so fucking stupid?"
"You mean you...? Adam... he, you slept together?"
"Yeah. I guess you could say that".
"Oh fuck. And let me guess. He woke up this morning and threw you
out?"
"Bingo".
"Oh Christ, Jay, I'm sorry. This has gotta be horrible for you. God,
he's such an insensitive prick sometimes. He just what, woke up, took
one look at you and freaked out?"
"Something like that, yeah".
"Something like that or exactly that?"
"Okay, exactly that".
"He say why?"
"I took advantage of him. He said he was drunk and I... took
advantage of him".
"Oh. Okay. This just keeps on getting better. Do you want me to talk
to him? 'Cos I could go over there right now and..."
"NO! God, Jeff, no. That wouldn't help".
"So what do you want me to do, exactly?"
"I just want you to tell me it's gonna be okay. I want you to tell me
Adam's gonna forgive me and everything's gonna be fine again. That I
didn't take advantage of my best friend while he was drunk. That it's
not as bad as I think it is. Do you think you could do that?"
"Jay, you didn't take advantage of him".
"Nice try".
***
Things in general weren't looking good. Jay spent the morning and
most of the afternoon in Jeff's room trying not to burst into tears,
apologising from crying on Jeff's new shirt and trying not to think
about what had happened. But it was impossible not to. Especially
when the best night of his life had also turned out to be the reason
for his worst day. He didn't want to say things couldn't get any
worse, but he was pretty sure they couldn't.
Matt was annoyed with him. He couldn't say he blamed him really -
he'd come knocking on their door at 7am and Jeff had tossed him out
of bed so he could talk to Jay. He didn't like Matt being angry with
him. He already had enough to contend with with Adam disowning him,
never mind this thing with Matt. And while he knew Jeff was trying to
be patient, he was probably wondering when the hell he'd get out of
there and stop bothering him with his problems. Jeff had a life of
his own, mostly with Matt, and Jay didn't want to interfere with
that. He just didn't want to be alone, and really the only person who
had any idea what he was feeling was Jeff. He had nowhere else to go.
Unless, of course, he went knocking on Billy Kidman's door. And for
some reason that seemed like a great idea. Only Jeff wasn't going to
let him do that. And in the long run he knew he'd be grateful.
He just couldn't believe what an ass he'd been. Completely sucked in.
Completely out of control. Delluding himself. When Adam told him
nothing would change between them, he'd been fool enough to believe
him. What sort of a jackass believes that fucking your best friend
won't change anything? But he hadn't been able to help himself. All
Adam needed to do was kiss him and every single scrap of slef-control
he thought he had suddenly went right out of the window. How pathetic
was that? Not really an excuse at all. He should've known better. He
should've realised there'd be consequences. He should've listened to
that little voice inside him that'd told him it was an
unquestioningly bad idea, the voice that had made him pull back at
first. If he'd held onto that thought then none of this would've
happened. He'd still be lying in bed, asleep, and Adam wouldn't have
thrown him out. Again.
But he hadn't listened, had he. Adam had kissed him and like a fool
he'd kissed back. He'd kissed him and touched him and held him and
eventually he'd let him fuck him. He should've known that was wrong.
Because Adam wasn't gay. There had to be something wrong with that.
Adam was straight. Adam didn't even have a passing interest in guys.
Especially not this particular guy. And satisfying his curiosity was
no excuse. He shouldn't've done it. He shouldn't have lain there and
let it happen, shouldn't have told him it was okay, shouldn't have
kissed him and wrapped his legs around his waist, shouldn't have
enjoyed it, shouldn't have wanted it.
That was the problem. He'd wanted it. He'd wanted it so bad that he'd
let that cloud his already cloudy judgement. And now he was screwed.
Both literally and firguratively. Nothing could ever be the same
again.
He'd lost his best friend. Again. And now this time he had a feeling
there was no way he'd ever be forgiven. Because even if he hadn't
taken advantage of Adam in the strictest sense of the words, he'd
still taken advantage. In his heart he'd known it was wrong. He'd
known that it couldn't really be what Adam wanted. And because he'd
wanted it so much himself, he'd gone through with it anyway. It was
all his fault and there was no point trying to deny it.
All he could do was wait and hope that Adam might eventually forgive
him. But he wasn't holding his breath. And besides, if he never spoke
to him again, he knew he'd deserve it.
***
There were lips on his throat.
At first he thought he was dreaming but then he knew he wasn't. He
was awake. He knew because he'd just been bitten and the pain had
woken him up. He was awake, in bed, and there was someone kissing his
throat.
It was dark. He couldn't see who it was. All he knew was it wasn't
Adam and it wasn't Billy. Probably wasn't Lance or Chris either, but
he couldn't be sure. Not until those lips swept over his own and
suddenly he was tasting peppermint and Mountain Dew, smelling shampoo
and shaving gel. It wasn't anyone he'd ever been with before but he
had a good idea who it was. It was an unsettling feeling. Not
necessarily bad, just very, very unsettling.
The asailant pulled back, straddling Jay's thighs, trailing a hand
down his chest as he clicked on the lamp beside the bed. But before
Jay could get out the words he was trying to say, the smiling mouth
was already back down covering his own in another brutal kiss,
strands of multi-coloured hair falling around his face.
"Jeff, what're you doing?" Jay gasped as he pulled back.
"I'd say that's pretty obvious", Jeff replied with a smirk.
"I don't think..."
"No, Jay, don't think. Just kiss me, okay? Just kiss me and it'll all
be okay..."
So he did. He sat up and he kissed him, his fingers twisting in his
hair, tongues tangling, breath robbed. With a little help from Jeff
he managed to scoot back up the bed so his back was flat against the
headboard, then without breaking the kiss Jeff was pulling at his
boxers, tossing them across the room before Jay had even realised
they were gone. He gasped as Jeff shifted, bare skin on bare skin,
his lips and teeth suddenly sucking and grazing at his nipples. He
was writhing and balling up handfuls of sheet in his fists, biting
down on his lip as he squirmed. Jeff knew what he was doing and gave
a little chuckle.
Then he shifted position completely, kneeling between Jay's thighs,
and Jay's breath caught in his throat as Jeff's hot mouth came down
around his cock, teasing, licking, making the muscles in Jay's
stomach quiver and contract. He couldn't help himself. He knew he
should make Jeff stop but he didn't want to and clearly Jeff wasn't
in the mood for stopping. And this time he knew there was no blaming
this on alcohol. There was no saying Jay had taken advantage. Jeff
wanted this as much as he did.
Jeff pulled back and looked up at him, grinning mischeivously,
kneeling, twisting a strand of purple hair around his fingers. Jay
reached forward and tugged on the cross around Jeff's neck, pulling
him in for another kiss.
"Don't think you're getting out of this one that easily, Hardy", he
whispered. Jeff nipped at his earlobe and cocked his head to one
side.
"What make you think I want to get out of it, Reso?" he replied, and
three seconds later he was moaning loudly, impaled on a pleasantly
surprised Jay's straining cock.
It didn't take long. Maybe a minute or less and they were both lost,
coming one after the other, neither really sure who was first and
neither caring. Jeff sighed and nipped at Jay's bottom lip, catching
his breath. Jay trailed his hands up from Jeff's hips, over his back,
and pulled him down beside him.
"Good surprise?" Jeff asked, breathless.
"Good surprise", Jay replied with a grin and a nod as Jeff started to
play with the ends of his hair. "But..."
"But?"
"Won't Matt... You're not going to tell him, right? Wouldn't he be
mad?"
"No, I'm not going to tell him. And neither are you".
"Good".
Jeff moved in closer and rested his head against Jay's shoulder,
rubbing small circles around Jay's nipple with his free hand. Jay
just closed his eyes and resisted the urge to purr. He wasn't sure
what to think, but right then he was content not to think at all. He
just let Jeff do what he was doing and let himself feel good. To hell
with the consequences. Because if he didn't have Adam then he wasn't
sure anything mattered anymore.