Title: Take My Hand (3/?)
Author: Shanyn
Rating: R
Disclaimers: Standard stuff- not making any claims about their true sexuality, none of this ever happened- I have no money, please don't sue...

Warnings: The following chapter contains descriptions of sexual situations between minors, if that offends you, I suggest you steer clear.


"Jay?"

Adam's voice drifted to me quietly across the soft expanse of linen sheets, pulling me from semi-slumber and a half-remembered dream. I could hear him shifting around in the darkness on his side of the bed, waiting impatiently for some sort response. I concentrated on keeping my breathing even and deep, hoping I could fool him into thinking I was still asleep.

I was still embarrassed by this afternoon's scene, made no more comfortable by the knowledge that I had an entire week left to spend with Adam, who was sleeping over while his mom visited relatives out of town.

After Adam had run off, the rest of the day had been full of strange looks on his part, and awkward attempts on my part to start a conversation, which he had brushed off with all the frightened grace of a wounded rhino charging through the jungle. Now I wasn't sure where we stood with each other anymore, or how I should take his rejection. Was he turning me down because he didn't want me, or was he just scared, like I was? Now that I had accidentally let slip to Adam how I felt, I wasn't sure which terrified me more- the idea that he might not return my feelings or the possibility that he would. And truthfully I hadn't been ready to admit my feelings to myself, let alone to him, and I was in no real hurry to explore them any further.

"Jay." His whisper this time was more demanding, but I still didn't respond, hoping he might let it drop. He kicked my leg instead.

"Jason!" He hissed.

"Goddamit Adam!" I swore loudly. In his bed on the other side of the room, Josh snorted loudly and turned over in his sleep. I lowered my voice only slightly. "What the hell is the matter with you? Don't you understand when you're being given the cold shoulder?"

I turned over to look at him, watching as the corners of his mouth lifted up into a slow smirk. I realized belatedly that he was just baiting me, trying to get a reaction. We did this to each other all the time, teasing each other- poking, pinching, nagging, trying to see who would break first. I should have been used to it- it was an old game between us- and I shouldn't have let him get to me so easily, but I wasn't in any kind of mood to play those stupid games. Not after what had happened between us this afternoon. As if sensing an impending eruption, Adam's face sobered.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked softly. I knew he wasn't talking about the kicking.

"No Adam," I replied, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice. "I always enjoy it when people play with my emotions. Get me turned on and then leave me hanging. I *like* being teased."

His face fell. For a second I almost felt bad for not trying to smooth the whole thing over, but fuck that, he wasn't the only one with hurt feelings here.

"I'm sorry." He said unexpectedly. I couldn't think of anything to say to this and so just settled for staring at him vacantly.

"You just scared me, that's all," he added. I continued to gape, not sure what to make of that, and he elaborated. "You did come on pretty strong..."

"You kissed me first." I reminded him irritably.

He didn't answer and we just stared at each other blankly.

"Are you gay?" He asked suddenly.

I found myself totally unnerved by the question. I didn't have to answer that, did I? Didn't I have some kind of right to remain silent- or was that only in bad American police dramas?

"Jay?"

He looked so vulnerable, lying there, waiting for me to answer. Vulnerable and confused, like I felt. I toyed with a corner of the sheets while I thought of what to say- trouble was, I wasn't so sure what the answer was myself. I said the first thing that came to mind.

"I liked it- when you kissed me. I liked the way it felt," I hesitated, trying to read something in his carefully guarded expression. "Does that make me gay?"

"I don't know, Jay." He looked over at me and smiled shyly. "I liked it too."

I glanced nervously toward Josh's bed; afraid he might be awake and listening. He had burrowed under his sheets so that it was impossible to see him, but the soft, regular breathing emanating from the mound on the bed implied that he was sleeping soundly. I looked back at Adam, studying him silently in the semi-darkness.

He looked strangely beautiful lying there in a pool of moonlight, almost unearthly. His long hair was fanned out on the pillow behind him, a halo of pale gold in the weak light. I squelched a sudden urge to reach over and pull him into my arms.

As if sensing my sudden dangerous turn of thought, Adam's face tightened and he shifted uncomfortably in his place.

"I don't think I want to be gay, Jay."

"I don't think you get a choice Adam. I think it's just something you either are or you aren't."

I watched him as he appeared to absorb this information, turning it over in his head.

"Why did you kiss me?" I blurted out suddenly.

It was Adam's turn to be caught off guard by an uncomfortable question. His mouth worked silently for a few seconds, giving him an amusing resemblance to a fish out of water. When he finally spoke, his voice was hesitant and unsure.

"I wanted to know... what it would feel like. When you told me you thought you might be in love with me- I guess I just wondered if I was in love with you too... I've always known that I love you as my best friend, I just needed to know if it was more than that."

"And?" My heart was pounding its way up my throat. Did I want to know- really want to know? What if he didn't? Or what if he did?

I realized with some embarrassment that I had a death grip on my pillowcase, but Adam seemed too preoccupied with his own inner turmoil to notice mine.

"I don't know, Jay." He sighed and I waited patiently for him to continue, but nothing else appeared to be forthcoming.

"What are you feeling right now?" I asked him softly. He smiled, eyes gazing up at the ceiling.

"Confused." We both laughed quietly at that, and after a minute he continued in a softer voice that made me strain to hear him. "Confused and... and, I don't know Jay. I don't know what this is that I'm feeling..."

He turned and looked at me, reaching out slowly, almost hesitantly, and with a gentle hand smoothed my tangled hair back from my eyes. Long slim fingers gently slid down my cheek and softly caressed my face. I took in a shaky breath as I felt the bed shift and his body draw nearer. Was I dreaming? Our eyes met, and I stared, entranced as his face hovered over mine. Our faces were so close, our breath mingled.

He leaned further forward, touching his lips to mine softly, timidly, and I resisted the urge to pull him to me. I wanted this to be entirely Adam's decision, wanted him to be sure, to have no regrets. Without warning his tongue was suddenly pressed against my lips and I opened my mouth for him instantly, eagerly welcoming him inside as he sought my own tongue. He pulled me closer to him as our tongues interlaced. He wrapped me tightly in his embrace and let his instincts override his fear and doubt.

My hands slid over his body, eager to explore, noting every sensitive spot I came across and filing the locations away for future reference. Minutes rushed by as we lay there entangled together, touching and tasting, measuring the passing time with our racing pulses. We broke apart slowly, breathing rapidly and taking in short, excited breaths. Wrapped in his arms, sharing his breath, I knew that if I died now, heaven could never be this good.

He leaned forward and nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. I smiled, even though I knew he couldn't see the expression.

"I love you," I whispered quietly.

He pulled back slightly and I saw uncertainty flare in his eyes. I panicked. No way was I going to lose him now, or let him run out on me again. Abandoning my noble resolution to let Adam make his own decisions, I quickly flipped him onto his back and straddled his waist. His eyes widened in surprise, but I muffled his protest with my mouth and another searing kiss. He struggled briefly then relaxed into the kiss, and his hands began their own gentle exploration of my body. My body responded to his touches eagerly, hardening instantly at his touch.

His hands slid up my shirt, trailing softly across my skin and I broke away, letting out a loud exclamation of pleasure as his fingers brushed a nipple. He looked up and I blushed a little, embarrassed that I had overreacted to such a small touch. Adam smiled, seemingly intrigued by my sensitivity. He pushed my shirt up and pulled me closer to him, running his hands lightly across my chest and kissing each nipple lightly before taking one into his mouth and rolling his tongue around the sensitive peak. I twisted in pleasure and he pulled me firmly against him, holding me tightly in place.

He dragged my shirt over my head, dropping it on the floor beside the bed, and suddenly his mouth was everywhere. Nipping along my neck, kissing down my stomach, sucking softly on the skin just above the waistband of my boxers. I moaned as he pushed them further down my hips, aware of the throbbing ache barely contained in my shorts. I rocked my hips desperately, digging my arousal into him and feeling his pushing back against me. He slid his hand down my shorts and grasped my erection, running his hand firmly up and down the burning flesh. I tossed my head back, biting my lip to keep the cry of pleasure from spilling out.

Every muscle in my body was clenched and my eyes were squeezed shut as I fought desperately to keep myself from being overwhelmed. Adam suddenly rolled us over, pushing me onto my back again, and I easily surrendered control to him. He tore my boxers off, tossing them aside carelessly. I spread my legs, shivering at the thrill that made its way down my spine- a thrill of pleasure that came from doing something that felt so wrong, forbidden, and yet so right at the same time. It was an indescribable feeling- intoxicating almost- to be opening myself for him like this, making myself so vulnerable to him. I watched, impatient and needy, as he made quick work of his own clothes, dropping them onto the floor with the others.

I pulled Adam over me, covering my body with his, and he let out a soft moan- an anticipation of pleasure- as he slipped between my legs. I wrapped them around his waist, pulling him closer, and he hovered over me, strong hands running across my body and sending more shivers dancing down my spine. I arched into every touch, whimpering with pleasure. I wanted him so bad.

He bit his lip, eyes looking down on me questioningly as he positioned himself at my entrance.

"Yes..." I moaned, answering the unspoken question.

He leaned down and kissed me once, lifted my hips up and thrust in roughly. His moan of pleasure was cut off abruptly by my shriek of pain. Flesh ripped and tore around him. He tried to kiss me, murmuring soft words to me, trying to soothe away my pain with sweet sounds as he pulled out and thrust back in. I cried out again at the stinging, burning agony.

"Oh god, it hurts- Adam, stop! Please!"

I choked back another sob and light flooded the room.

"Wha- what happened? What's going on?" I heard Josh fumbling sleepily across the room, trying to see against the sudden brightness of his lamp. "Jay?"

I heard a startled gasp from Josh and closed my eyes, trying to shut the bright light out and the tears in. I had never felt so humiliated in my life. I could only imagine what Josh was thinking, waking up in the middle of the night to see me laying underneath Adam with my legs spread like some cheap whore.

Adam's breath was hot on my cheek. He had stopped moving and I could sense him looking down at me in concern. He pulled out slowly and I bit my lip at the pain.

"Are you okay?" His voice by my ear was soft and anxious.

I opened my eyes.

"Get off me." I whispered. His eyes widened in surprise.

"Jay?" His voice was unsteady, and I could see he was scared.

"Off." My voice trembled. When he didn't move fast enough to suit me, I pushed him away and jumped up, tearing out of the room and down the hallway.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" I could hear Josh scream at Adam as I locked myself in the bathroom.

The torn flesh surrounding Adam's painful invasion ached with a blinding, searing intensity. I ran warm water in the sink and grabbed a towel from the linen closet; gingerly washing the area as well as I could tolerate. The towel came away spotted with a small amount of blood and I hastily tossed it aside. I stared at myself in the mirror over the sink, thankful that at least Adam hadn't left any visible marks on my skin to show what we had been doing. Adam... I ran cold water from the faucet... try not to think about Adam.

A timid knock sounded on the door.

"Adam- go away please," I splashed the water across my face, trying to wash embarrassment away along with the tears. God, I felt so lame- our first time together and I had screamed like a girl and locked myself in the bathroom. I didn't think I'd ever be able to look him in the eye again.

The knock came again.

"Adam, please..." I begged.

"Jay, it's me." Josh's voice called uncertainly through the door.

I sighed. The only thing more humiliating than what had happened tonight was the fact that my little brother had been witness to it.

"Not now, Josh!" I yelled back, blindly splashing more water on my face.

There was a moment's hesitant silence, during which I prayed fervently that he'd gone back to bed and was trying to forget everything he'd seen. My prayers went unanswered when his voice came back, quieter and more muffled through the door, but still intelligible.

"Should I wake Mom and Dad up?" He sounded uncertain.

I ran to the door, jerking it open and dragging a surprised Josh inside before slamming it shut and locking it again.

"Are you crazy?" I hissed loudly. "Dad. Would. Kill. Me."

I emphasized each word clearly, just to make sure he understood my life was at stake here.

"But if he- ?" Blood rushed to Josh's face as his words trailed off. I followed his distracted gaze and belatedly realized that I was still naked. I quickly grabbed the blood-spotted towel and wrapped it around my waist, waiting for him to finish his thought, but the sight of the blood had only served to distract him further. I tapped my foot impatiently and glared, making him fidget nervously as he tried to recollect his thoughts. "I mean did he, you know, try to make you..."

"No!" I blushed too, as I realized what he was trying to ask me. It was my turn to stumble over words. "No! We were- Adam would never- I wanted to..."

Josh looked skeptical.

"It didn't *sound* like you wanted to."

"It hurt!"

He looked at me like I was a runner-up in the Idiot of the Year Pageant and I blushed even deeper.

"I mean it hurt a lot more than I thought it would."

He shrugged.

"Maybe you weren't doing it right."

My jaw dropped. Beside the fact that he was taking this way better than I thought he would, I couldn't believe I was having this conversation with my little brother. Still, I couldn't resist scoffing at his statement.

"What's to do wrong?" I asked. "Insert tab 'A' into slot 'B'. Not much room for error there."

He shrugged again.

"Christ, Jay, I don't know... but I don't think you're supposed to scream like that."

My face burned even more. God this was humiliating. I covered my face with my hands.

"I have an idea," I announced through my hands. "Why don't we just *drop it*?"

I looked up and Josh nodded, giving me a tight smile before heading for the door. Putting myself in his shoes, I had a feeling he was almost as uncomfortable about the situation as I was. I cringed inwardly, thinking about what he must have seen.

"Josh- " he turned to look at me and I hesitated before plunging on. "Don't tell anybody, please. Especially John."

The thought of the torment my older brother would serve up if he found out I was- well, if he found out Adam and I had been...

Josh stared at me solemnly for a minute before giving a single nod of his head and turned to leave again. As the door closed behind him, I couldn't resist asking the question that had been preying on my mind since I'd run in here.

"Is Adam still in there?" I winced at the tremble in my voice that betrayed me when I spoke his name.

Josh poked his head back in through the door, trying to hide a smile. I frowned at him. This wasn't funny, at least not from where I stood.

"He ran out right after you did," he said, the smile twitching at his lips now. "Said something about needing to go home."

My stomach twisted in despair before a thought occurred to me.

"He doesn't have a key to his apartment." And he lived on the third floor, so it wasn't like he could climb in through a window.

"Yeah, and he was naked." Josh's grin widened.

I couldn't help but grin back. Adam was just blonde enough to do something like that. I snickered at the idea of him running naked through the streets of Orangeville at two in the morning, only to get all the way to his apartment and realize that he had no way in. And was naked.

I dried my face off with a towel and followed Josh back into our bedroom, grabbing my shorts from the hasty pile Adam and I had made a short while ago, slipping them on under the watchful gaze of a very confused looking little brother. For a minute I thought of sitting down with Josh and having some sort of talk with him about what he'd seen, but beyond not having a clue what I would say in such a discussion, I thought it was slightly more important that I catch up with Adam before he caught pneumonia. Or got arrested for streaking. I grabbed Adam's clothes and headed downstairs, intending to pull on a jacket and pair of shoes on my way out of the door.

I made it as far as the living room before I discovered, to my disappointment, that it wouldn't be necessary. Adam was sitting on the end of the sofa in a dark corner, wrapped in the quilt that usually lay draped over the back of the sofa.

He didn't say anything as I approached him nervously.

"Josh said you were heading home."

"Yeah well, I forgot to put my clothes on. And I don't have a key."

"I thought you'd get halfway home before you'd realize that."

He shook his head and smiled grimly.

"I only made it out your front door."

We shared an uncomfortable laugh, and I handed him the clothes I had brought down with me. He took them from me with a nod and pulled them on underneath the quilt. Once he finished dressing he sat back down, keeping the blanket wrapped tightly around him. Not knowing what else to do, I gingerly sat down next to him, wincing at the raw pain in my backside.

He cast a nervous glance over at me.

"Are you okay?" He asked tentatively. He looked scared.

I nodded, feeling a fresh wave of embarrassment rush over me.

"I thought that's what you wanted to do," he said, after a moment of awkward silence.

"I did, it just- " I trailed off self-consciously, remembering how Josh had looked at me like I was so stupid.

"Hurt?" Adam supplied. I smiled gratefully.

"A lot."

He nodded.

"Yeah, I wondered about that."

We probably looked strange, sitting next to each other so timidly in the dark, but we were both so uncomfortable that neither of us knew what to do or say. We fell into an uneasy silence, which Adam broke after a while.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked apprehensively. I shook my head.

"What about you?" I asked. "Are you mad at me?"

"No! Jay, of course not." A wave of relief washed over me, as he seemed genuinely shocked that I would think he was upset.

"Maybe we shouldn't do that again," I said, wondering how I was going to be able to walk around tomorrow without attracting unwanted attention. "At least not for a while anyway."

Adam looked disappointed and a little hurt, but he nodded anyway.

"...there are other things we could do, though," I pointed out hopefully.

A shy smile crossed his face, and I grinned at him and crawled into his lap. He wrapped me inside the quilt with him and I rubbed our bodies together, drawing a murmur of pleasure from Adam. His hands reached into my hair, pulling my face down to his and into a deep kiss.

We were just beginning to rediscover some of our lost excitement when the downstairs lights suddenly snapped on, filling our dark little corner with unwelcome light.

Adam and I dove away from each other, getting tangled in the quilt, and I landed hard on the floor. The squeal of protest for my sore ass died on my lips at the blood-chilling sound of my father's irate voice.

"What the hell is going on down here?"

My dad was followed down the stairs by my sleepy and disgruntled looking mother, who was still trying to tie her bathrobe around her waist. Josh was quick on their heels, tripping in his eagerness to get to me first and falling down the last couple steps.

"It wasn't me, Jay! I swear!" He gave me a pleading look as I started to ream him for waking our parents.

Dad glared at him and Josh quailed under the heat of the gaze and began yammering like an idiot.

"Get your butt back to bed!" Dad snapped, finally cutting him off.

Josh turned and started to scamper back up the stairs, throwing one last protest over his shoulder before he went.

"John woke them up, Jay, not me! I didn't tell 'em anything!"

I glanced up at the top of the stairs to see my older brother smirking down at me from the railing. One look into his eyes was all I needed to confirm it. He *knew*.

~~~End Part 3~~~